Effect of Touch Deprivation
Touch is our very first language, the primary way we communicate before we even have the capacity for thought. Long before we can form sentences, we understand the world through the warmth of skin, the pressure of a comforting hand, and the safety of an embrace. But what happens when that language is never spoken to you?
For Nadine van Schoondrager, the founder of the Power of Touch platform, this is not a theoretical or academic question. It is the raw, painful reality of her entire existence. When the most fundamental human need—physical proximity and affection—is absent from birth, it creates a profound and devastating Effect of Touch Deprivation.
The Roots of a Lifelong Deficiency
Nadine’s story begins at the very moment where life should be at its safest: birth. From her earliest days, she knew no warmth, no comfort, and no loving physical contact. In the field of psychology, we know that this lack of early attachment fundamentally rewires the human nervous system. The body learns at a cellular level that the world is a cold, hostile place where no one comes to help. This early absence of physical connection ensures that the brain develops under a state of constant “high alert,” where the stress response is never allowed to turn off.
For Nadine, this meant that by the age of nine, she already felt a deep sense of being “different,” a realization she could never voice due to the total lack of emotional and physical safety in her environment. Without the physical affirmation of a parent to mirror her value, she grew up in an emotional vacuum.
This is where the chronic Effect of Touch Deprivation begins; it settles into the very bones of a child and colors every single aspect of their adult life. When a child is not held during times of grief, they learn that their emotions are invalid, paving the way for a life defined by internal exile.
The Biology of Proximity: Feeding vs. Starving the Soul
The difference between people who grow up with healthy physical affection and those who suffer from touch deprivation is biologically measurable and immense. People with a secure physical foundation possess a nervous system that can “discharge” after a period of stress. Their vagus nerve stimulates the production of oxytocin, which brings a sense of peace and restoration.
In Nadine’s case, this internal regulator was entirely missing. Without this hormonal balance, life becomes a relentless cycle of survival rather than living. When this balance is absent, cortisol levels remain chronically elevated, leading to total exhaustion and the onset of severe clinical depressions.
Nadine experienced this weight as early as her twenties. The long-term Effect of Touch Deprivation is comparable to physical starvation; the spirit becomes profoundly malnourished. While others find solace in a simple hug, someone with this background often feels even emptier as their isolation increases. It is a biological void that cannot be filled with mere words; it requires the physical presence of another to calm the storm within.
The Paradox of Longing and the Flight of Panic
One of the most tragic consequences of early physical neglect is the extreme difficulty in forming healthy, close relationships later in life. Nadine describes a heartbreaking internal conflict: an intense, soul-deep craving for physical contact that simultaneously turns into a suffocating panic the moment it becomes real.
This was painfully evident after her divorce in 2023, when a woman unexpectedly entered her life. For the first time, there was a connection that transcended words; a single look was enough to be understood.
However, the decades-long absence of a secure foundation meant that this sudden closeness felt like a threat to her very survival. After a day of intense connection, panic seized her the moment she stepped over her own threshold.
The fear of such profound intimacy was so overwhelming that it led to a suicide attempt on the highway in February 2024. This is the ultimate Effect of Touch Deprivation: the longing for the “other” is so great that the reality of being seen feels like an annihilation of the self, leading to a desperate flight toward death as the only perceived escape.
The Transition: From a Mask to Total Invisibility
At the age of 50, Nadine made a courageous and life-altering decision: she came out as a trans woman. After fifty years of playing the role of a man who never truly existed—a performance she describes as an unbearable weight—she finally chose to live her truth.
But where she hoped for liberation and a new beginning, she found only a new, more aggressive form of exclusion. The transition cost her everything she had built: her 23-year relationship and the remaining ties to her community.
Looking back, Nadine views this choice with immense pain. Although living as a man was a lie, it provided a shield behind the rigid norms of society. As a trans woman, she has become “the label,” making it nearly impossible to find professional support.
The Effect of Touch Deprivation is now fueled by a social exclusion that has even colder walls than the loneliness of her youth. When the medical world, including her own GP, states they can do nothing more for her, the isolation becomes an impenetrable fortress from which there seems to be no exit.
The Lifeline: Love as a Final Motivation
Despite the crushing weight of her current isolation and the failed attempts to end her life, there is one reason Nadine remains standing today. It is the love she received from that one woman who saw her truly.
Even though there is no longer any form of contact between them, that brief period of being understood remains the only reason she has not given up. It was a glimpse of what life could be—a moment of opulence in a desert of neglect.
This woman’s impact is the only drive left that keeps her going. It proves that even a small amount of genuine connection can act as a powerful counter-agent to the Effect of Touch Deprivation.
However, Nadine is also a realist; she knows she is at the end of her rope. She recognizes that in nearly sixty years of life, she has only been truly herself and truly happy for three months. That tiny window of joy is a drop of water on a glowing hot plate, and as the days pass in total silence, the hope for a miracle to turn the tide begins to fade a little more every day.
The Suffocation of Isolation in Senior Housing
Since November 2023, Nadine has lived in a senior apartment where she hoped to find peace and a sense of belonging. Instead, she entered a nightmare of discrimination and active hostility.
Because of her identity, she was declared unwanted by her neighbors. Vandalism and open rejection have forced her into a state of total withdrawal. Since August of last year, she has severed all ties with the outside world, living in a self-imposed prison to protect herself from further pain.
This level of isolation is nearly impossible for a human being to endure for long. The difference between Nadine and those with social connections is that others have a mirror in those around them; Nadine has only the silence of her walls.
In this stillness, the Effect of Touch Deprivation resonates louder than ever before. The absence of a friendly word or a simple acknowledgement of her existence causes her to lose a piece of herself every single day. Without the “social grooming” that humans require to stay mentally healthy, the mind begins to turn on itself.
The Failure of the Healthcare System
Nadine’s entire life has been marked by a desperate search for professional help, yet she has consistently met with a wall of misunderstanding. The stigma surrounding her transition, combined with her complex history of physical neglect, makes her appear “untreatable” to many providers. When a primary care physician throws up their hands and admits defeat, the individual is left with nowhere to turn.
This systemic failure reinforces the feeling that she simply does not belong in this world. The Effect of Touch Deprivation here is not just a lack of physical touch, but a total lack of human recognition and institutional care. Without support, and with all doors literally and figuratively locked, the limit of human endurance has been reached. The refusal of help is the ultimate form of neglect; it is the refusal to reach out a hand to someone who is clearly drowning in a sea of isolation.
Conclusion
Nadine van Schoondrager’s story is a piercing cry for attention to the invisible people in our society. Her suicide attempts are not acts of weakness, but the logical conclusion of an unbearable pain caused by a world that refuses to touch or be touched by her. A human being cannot survive on a single drop of happiness in an ocean of grief forever.
We must look into the mirror as a society. The powerful Effect of Touch Deprivation demonstrates that touch, recognition, and unconditional acceptance are the only true medicines for the darkness Nadine inhabits.
Her platform, Power of Touch, was intended to fill this void for others, yet she herself has never been allowed to receive the warmth she so desperately wanted to provide. Let her story be a monument to the necessity of human connection; a reminder that without the presence of the other, we simply cease to exist.
